That was fine when I was in my 20s, but it became less and less useful. I stayed with it anyway, well past the point of uselessness.

I also defined myself more broadly as a writer. But that doesn’t work for me either. I still write—look, I’m writing right now!—but it’s not who I am.

I’m an American, Californian, Jewish, white, male, cis-gendered, heterosexual and Julie’s husband. Those things are characteristics. They’re not who I am.

Maybe we don’t need to define ourselves. Maybe it’s enough to just be and do.